Week 2 — Mon, 19 Sep 2005

From: Jeff
To: mnf@doobie.com
Subject: It's Monday...

...and the Bengals are still undefeated.

Here we are, approaching the end of week 2 of the season.

After tonight's games:
7 teams are 2-0
7 teams are 0-2
18 teams are 1-1

There are surprises in all three categories.

This week, the J-E-T-S showed that they could do more than just S-U-C-K, by knocking off Miami 17-7. While the Dolphins still look much better than they have in a few years (including stopping a 4th and inches at the goal-line, by forcing a highlight-reel worthy fumble), they just didn't have quite enough defensive stamina to keep Pennington and his receivers from moving the ball during the fourth quarter. Both teams are now 1-1.

The Patriots lost to Carolina in what was probably the most over-hyped game of the week. Both teams looked awful out there, and ultimately it was New England's three turnovers that beat them. The final score was 27-17, but for the people watching, the real outcome of the game was more about how far Super Bowl contenders can fall in 2 short years. There were 14 punts kicked during the game, and I believe that we'll be seeing some patent applications in the next week, as there were several new forms of profanity invented in the locker room. Both teams move to 1-1.

The Eagles came to San Francisco and crushed the poor 49ers 42-3 (and covered the season's largest spread to date: 13 points). The Eagles scored on the first drive in less than a minute, and the game just went downhill from there. They did not look like the same team that lost to the Falcons last Monday. Both teams go to 1-1. (This game also included the first successful kicking of an extra point by a linebacker.)

The Bengals went to Minnesota and crushed the Vikings 37-8. Apparently, the Vikings' offense misses Randy Moss quite a bit. But, that's not what you're asking. You're asking, "Are the Bengals actually decent this year?". According to the magic 8 ball, all signs point to yes. The Bengals offense took the field to start the game, and scored on the second play. Throughout the first half, receiver Chad Johnson consistently out ran and outmaneuvered Vikings cornerback Fred Smoot (who is one of the better pass defenders in the league, but couldn't keep Johnson from racking up 100 yards receiving in the FIRST HALF.) They made it look easy out there.

OK, OK, now you're asking, "Are the Vikings really that bad?". Again, the answer looks like yes. Daunte Culpepper threw five interceptions yesterday (apparently the Bengals defenders look like Randy Moss). With stats like that, it's no surprise that Minnesota falls to 0-2, and the Bengals go to 2-0.

Speaking of, "are they really that bad?" teams... The Green Bay Packers fall to 0-2 after losing to Cleveland at Lambeau Field. This is the first time in 9 years that Cleveland passer Trent Dilfer has won in Green Bay. Farve, who threw for enough yardage to join the 50,000 club (with Elway and Marino), is now several years past his prime, and it really shows. It's time for him to join Elway and Marino in the broadcasters club, and let someone else rebuild the Packers, while there's still some hope.

Pete's hopes for an all-San Diego championship seem all but dashed as both the Padres and Chargers seem to be doing everything in their power to watch the postseason from a Tiki Hut in Tahiti. The Chargers went to Denver this week, and looked good during the first half, but early in the third quarter, the Denver defense woke up, and completely shut down the San Diego offense (keeping them to less than 50 years in the second half). Jason Elam kicked a field goal with seconds to go to seal the 20-17 victory. Denver goes to 1-1. San Diego is 0-2.

The rest of the 0-2 teams are: Houston, Baltimore, Oakland, and Arizona. Baltimore is probably better than that. The rest of these teams pretty much deserve their records.

Other teams enjoying their undefeated status this week include Indianapolis, Kansas City, Tampa Bay, and Pittsburgh. All four of these are good, solid teams with many wins in front of them. They all won in mostly unremarkable games this Sunday.

Which brings us to tonight's games...

The Games:

All four teams going into tonight's games are undefeated. Last year, both super bowl teams started 2-0. So did 5 of the 8 division champions. So far this year, only 2 of last years playoff teams are 2-0.

In the 4:30pm FEMA bowl, the 1-0 New Orleans Saints go to Giants Stadium outside of New York and take on the 1-0 Giants, on the freshly rezipped Fieldturf (less than 24 hours ago, that turf said JETS on it, they have interchangeable sections of field that allows groundskeepers to change the home team fairly easily.)

The game itself should be interesting. There are a lot of murmurs throughout the NFC about the fact that the Giants essentially got an extra home game this year (even if most of the rest of the country is watching the Saints, home field advantage in the NFC East is nothing to ignore, and you can expect to hear some complaints from the back offices in the NFC if the Giants win tonight). Both the Giants and the Saints really want this game, but the league and most Americans would like to see the Saints come out victorious, even if the Giants are a generally better team.

Then at 6:00pm, the 1-0 Washington Redskins go to Dallas to take on the 1-0 Cowboys in the history bowl, on the Fieldturf of Texas Stadium. This is the 34th year that the Cowboys have played in this stadium. Joe Gibbs is already in the Hall of Fame. Bill Parcells will end up there eventually. The Cowboys/Redskins rivalry has been going on since the days of Staubach and Jurgensen, and shows no sign of slowing down.

For three hours before the first game, one hour after the second game, and at every moment inbetween, the NFL, United Way and ABC/Disney/ESPN will be running a telethon to raise money for hurricane Katrina relief, since it's been determined that the Federal Government has made itself useless in this regard. Dolphins fans in Key West will be boarding up their windows as the politicians spin faster than Rita.

The Lines:

The Giants are favored by 3.5, with a 43.5 over/under.
The Cowboys are favored by 5.5 with a 35.5 over/under.

The Smart Money is licking its wounds, having started 0-2 (plus a push) this season. Tonight, it takes the Saints in the first game, and the over in the second. The Smart Money also invokes the Pete Rose exemption, allowing it to pretend not to bet against its own team.

The Bar:

So tonight, we've got two football games, and a handful of baseball games that are still relevant to playoffs (boys of SUMMER, my ass). So, we needed to conjure up a locale with a lot of space, and a whole lot of screens. So tonight, we're going to the bar that Maxim Magazine says is the best sports bar in San Francisco.

Bayside Sports
1787 Union Street (@ Octavia)

Pissing distance from the 41 and 45 downtown/SOMA busses.
Two blocks from the 47,49,76 and 30x Van Ness busses.
It's easier to get here than you think it is.

Kickoff is at 4:30, with another kickoff at 6:00.
See you there?

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